January 11, 1989, San Francisco, California. The 7 pounds and 12 ounces that I was, finally took my first breath in a cry with flailing arms and kicking legs. I was left at the hospital by a girl not able to take care of me. I needed a machine for a few days. I was born with her addictions.
After the tubes kept me alive, I went straight into a foster home. John Doe. But when I was 6 months old, a little 9 year old girl and her older brother picked me out of a book of children to be adopted because they thought I was the cutest one. Their dad and step mom had trouble having children. So, they shortly after became my family.
They had my sister the next year pre-maturely. The priest came in and gave my sister her last rights just hours after she was born. My mother held her and prayed.
When I was 4 years old, I asked my white mother why I didn’t look like her. She said its because I was adopted and she explained to me what that meant. I understood what it meant and I understood fully that she was my mother. So, I continued playing with my toys.
My parents spent a while in court fighting to keep me after my biological grandparents found out about me. I remember when my mom let me watch the movie Losing Isaiah. She told me how much I mean to her and to never forget that. My dad couldn’t watch that movie. As stoic as he was, it was one of very few things that could make him cry.
When I was a teenager, I learned about abortion. I thought for the first time about how possible it was for me to have been one. It made me realize fully how sacred it was to be alive. I learned about different testimonies and reasons for someone to ever have to choose one. It made me question why my passionate reasons for being pro-life still allowed me to understand such passionate reasons for being pro-choice.
Last year, I started seeing through the illusions of polarities and how a lot of our opposing world views are saying the same things as each other but they’re each just saying it in different ways. Rather you call it prayer or law of attraction. When thought, feeling, and emotion are aligned, your heart releases an electromagnetic wave that creates your vibrational reality. Rather you call it half full or half empty. Just drink it. Rather you call it good or bad. Every situation is neutral until we decide to enjoy it or not. And rather you identify as pro-life or pro-choice.
I’ve finally realized that just because I’m pro-choice doesn’t mean I’m necessarily for certain decisions. I’m just for the human birth given right to have choice in itself. I’ve finally realized that just because I’m pro-life doesn’t mean I’m against certain decisions, because to be against them would be deciding to stay ignorant of understanding the woman’s reason for making that choice. I’ve decided to believe that we’re all pro-life and we’re all pro-choice but we’ve been taught to see an illusion that makes them seem opposite when they’re just different aspects of focus.
I broke through the illusion of polarizing my view on abortion. I’m not for it and I’m not against it. I’m never going to have to make the personal decision myself so the only things I can do when handling my emotions, is if you choose life, I’ll give thanks and celebrate. And if you don’t choose it, I’ll pray that you find strength and for you to find thanks in your journey.
I’m able to imagine you not wanting to give birth to a ghost that will constantly haunt you of a moment you wish so badly to have never happened. It makes me understand. I imagine the moment you prayed for that soul to be okay with waiting just a little bit longer for the next ticket. I imagine you prayed for some sort of forgiveness from the guilt that your conditioning gave you. It makes me understand. I imagine the fear you had of your family being disappointed. I definitely understand how precious it is to be accepted by family.
There’s reasons behind every decision, some are just less understood. It’s not our jobs to be against a person’s decision. In the same way it’s not a surfer’s job to be against the wave. But instead, to just flow with it in whatever decision of form it makes.
So, to the girl who gave the gift I am to my mother. You could’ve decided not to give me life, but you decided to give me life despite me being born with your addictions. It’s ironic, I now love being addicted to being alive. And this is to my mother who held my sister and prayed. Through my sister’s slow speech and unsteady walk, she was at least blessed with having a simple life. I can now see her as my binary star that you raised from two miracle birth survivors.
This is for all the survivors, this is for all the gentle birth babies too, and this is for the ones who got sent back to wait for a better turn. This is for the mothers and this is for the fathers. For the ones that had enough love, they were ready to raise and for the ones that had enough love, they sent them back to wait for a better turn. This is for life in itself and for being able to have the choices themselves to constantly create it.
Shawn Franco
